Seven Important Coping Skills

This is from Madeline Levine's book "Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success."

1.  Resourcefulness: the ability to proactively and independently solve problems and seek help from others

• Do: create opportunities to develop coping skills
• Do: share how you solve your own problems (modeling)
• Do: teach that there are multiple ways to solve problems
• Do: teach how to self-soothe, have emotional control
• Don't: jump in too early or become impatient; give them a chance to problem solve
• Don't: become so stressed that you are unable to model resourcefulness

2.  Enthusiasm: encourage children to find something that really interests and excites them

• Do: model enthusiasm by expressing it often and over a range of activities
• Do: remember that entitlement kills enthusiasm
• Don't: expect your child's way of expressing enthusiasm to be the same as yours
• Don't: use your love or approval as a way of manipulating your child's interests

3.  Creativity: encourage nimble, flexible, and innovative thinking

• Do: keep materials that encourage creative expression easily available
• Do: encourage open-ended activities and unstructured play
• Do: encourage problem-solving
• Do: limit screen time
• Don't: lose patience with the skeptical child

4.  Hard-Working: having a good work ethic

• Do: model enthusiasm for hard work (and feeling a sense of accomplishment)
• Do: make sure the work they are expected to do is reasonable and not overwhelming
• Don't: expect all kids to put in the same kind of effort
• Don't: insist on their best effort on absolutely everything

5.  Self Control: or developing ways to wait

• Do: model self management yourself
• Do: allow them to experience moderate levels of distress/challenge/struggles
• Do: show you value their ability to go against the crowd
• Don't: expect them to learn without your guidance
• Don't: dismiss or minimize their negative feelings (help them deal with anxiety)

6.  Self-Esteem: feeling that one is worthwhile; gained through competence

• Do: encourage them to work outside of their comfort zone
• Do: let them know you have confidence in their abilities
• Do: help them break goals into smaller, more realistic goals
• Don't: allow them to shift responsibility for difficulty to others
• Don't: praise indiscriminately

7.  Self-Efficacy: believing that we play a role in determining how things will turn out for us in life

• Do: help them to appraise their capabilities realistically
• Do: provide opportunities for them to contribute successfully to the family
• Don't: project your own anxiety on them as they move forward
• Don't: protect your child from failure