Medina has a nice re-cap at the end for those who want the Cliffs Notes version:
Pregnancy
- Leave the baby alone at first
- Take in an extra 300 calories a day
- Eat fruits and veggies
- Do 30 minutes of aerobic exercise a day
- Reduce the stress in your life
- Have a social structure of support (friends, family, other parents - PEPS)
Marriage
- Check-in with your spouse twice a day
- Schedule sex regularly
- Develop the empathy reflex with your partner
- Reconcile deliberately
- Balance the housework load
- Address your sticking points (see John and Julie Gottman)
Smart Baby: Seeds and Soil
- breast feed for one year
- talk to your baby a lot - describe everything you see
- create a creative space
- play opposite day (see Ellen Galinsky)
- make play plans (Tools of the Mind)
- don't hyper parent
- take a critical look at your own behavior - and make changes as needed
- reward hard work (vs. talent or intelligence)
- trade for digital time (with time reading a book, etc...)
Happy Baby: Seeds and Soil
- chart your child's emotional landscape (make a list)
- help your child make friends of the same age
- speculate on another's point of view (to help children also practice seeing things from someone else's perspective)
- read together
- develop an empathy reflex with your children
- practice verbalizing your feelings
- save up for 10 years of music lessons
- guide your child toward a $50,000 career
Moral Baby
- have clear, reasonable, and unambiguous rules
- deliver rules in a consistently warm and accepting environment
- reinforce good behaviors with praise
- explain the rationale behind rules
- punishments should be firm, immediate, reliable, safe, and tolerant
Showing posts with label brain rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brain rules. Show all posts
Friday, August 12, 2011
Brain Rules for Baby: Moral Baby
According to research, kids are consciously lying by the age of three. By 4 years old, they will about once every 2 hours. By the age of 6, the frequency of lies will increase to once very 90 minutes.
The stages of moral development
1. First, kids are just trying to avoid punishment
2. Then, they start to consider the social consequences of actions (peer acceptance)
3. Finally, they begin to make decisions based on moral principles - parent will need to help guide kids to this 3rd stage
How to support the development of a conscience (or moral awareness)
1. Provide clear, consistent rules and rewards that are realistic
- The hard part: be warm and accepting when administering rules
- Praise kids when they follow the rules (reinforcing positive behavior)
- Praise the absence of a bad behavior
2. Provide swift punishment, and be firm and consistent
- The hard part: administer it in a warm atmosphere - what does that mean? (My husband's suggestion is to not look at it as punishing, but as enforcing boundaries)
- Punishment by application: Let them make mistakes and learn from them
- Punishment by removal: giving a timeout
3. Explain the rules: When punishing, make sure you explain why immediately so they understand why they are being punished - this helps kids internalize the morality you are teaching them
The stages of moral development
1. First, kids are just trying to avoid punishment
2. Then, they start to consider the social consequences of actions (peer acceptance)
3. Finally, they begin to make decisions based on moral principles - parent will need to help guide kids to this 3rd stage
How to support the development of a conscience (or moral awareness)
1. Provide clear, consistent rules and rewards that are realistic
- The hard part: be warm and accepting when administering rules
- Praise kids when they follow the rules (reinforcing positive behavior)
- Praise the absence of a bad behavior
2. Provide swift punishment, and be firm and consistent
- The hard part: administer it in a warm atmosphere - what does that mean? (My husband's suggestion is to not look at it as punishing, but as enforcing boundaries)
- Punishment by application: Let them make mistakes and learn from them
- Punishment by removal: giving a timeout
3. Explain the rules: When punishing, make sure you explain why immediately so they understand why they are being punished - this helps kids internalize the morality you are teaching them
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Brain Rules for Baby: The soil for a happy baby
A strong bond or attachment between baby and parent is important for them to grow up happy and leads to less emotional conflict, more empathy, and better grades. How parents deal with their child's emotional life has the greatest effect on their future happiness.
6 Parental Behaviors for Dealing with Emotions
1. A demanding but warm parenting style (authoritative) that involves good communication with your children
a. Responsive: give kids support, warmth, and acceptance; communicate affection (rather than rejection)
b. Demanding: control behavior by making and enforcing rules consistently; clearly explain rules and encourage independence while still complying with family values
2. Comfort with your own emotions: setting an example for kids so they can learn to be comfortable with theirs
3. Tracking your child's emotions (watch, listen and respond) without smothering or helicoptering
4. Verbalizing emotions: Be able to label your feelings and teach your child to label theirs - this teaches self-soothing which helps them focus and have successful relationships
a. Surprisingly, studying music for at least 10 years starting before the age of 7 can help children more easily recognize emotional cues
5. Running towards emotions - parents who do this:
a. Don't judge emotions
b. Acknowledge the reflexive nature of emotions (rather than denying/ignoring their existence)
c. Know that behavior is a choice, but an emotion is not - help kids to understand that they have a choice in how they express their emotions
d. See a crisis as a teachable moment
6. Two tons of empathy: verbalize a child's feelings, validate them, and show you understand - this works because empathy calms people down
Next up: a moral baby...
6 Parental Behaviors for Dealing with Emotions
1. A demanding but warm parenting style (authoritative) that involves good communication with your children
a. Responsive: give kids support, warmth, and acceptance; communicate affection (rather than rejection)
b. Demanding: control behavior by making and enforcing rules consistently; clearly explain rules and encourage independence while still complying with family values
2. Comfort with your own emotions: setting an example for kids so they can learn to be comfortable with theirs
3. Tracking your child's emotions (watch, listen and respond) without smothering or helicoptering
4. Verbalizing emotions: Be able to label your feelings and teach your child to label theirs - this teaches self-soothing which helps them focus and have successful relationships
a. Surprisingly, studying music for at least 10 years starting before the age of 7 can help children more easily recognize emotional cues
5. Running towards emotions - parents who do this:
a. Don't judge emotions
b. Acknowledge the reflexive nature of emotions (rather than denying/ignoring their existence)
c. Know that behavior is a choice, but an emotion is not - help kids to understand that they have a choice in how they express their emotions
d. See a crisis as a teachable moment
6. Two tons of empathy: verbalize a child's feelings, validate them, and show you understand - this works because empathy calms people down
Next up: a moral baby...
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Brain Rules for Baby: The seeds for a happy baby
When we say we want our kids to be happy - what does that mean? I think it has different meanings for different parents. I think for my parents, it meant that some day we would all be doctors making a good living, which didn't happen much to their disappointment.
Here are three different types of happiness:
1. Emotional (I think this is the kind that's most popular with the non-Asian/tiger mom parenting crowd - i.e. most of non-immigrant America.)
2. Moral (I think this is the kind my grandmother always wishes me, since she prays for me every Sunday in church.)
3. Judgemental (meaning being happy about or for something)
Where does happiness come from? George Vaillant, a psychologist, researched this topic and his answer: "The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people." Friendships, or close relationships with family and friends, are the best predictor of happiness.
Other behaviors that predict happiness:
1. Altruistic acts
2. Making lists of things for which you are grateful (I started doing this in high school - my current list is on the main page of the blog and is called my "Living Like Weasels" list after the Annie Dillard essay.)
3. Cultivating an "attitude of gratitude"
4. Sharing new experiences with someone close to you
5. Readily forgiving the people that are close to you, rather than holding a grudge
Here are three different types of happiness:
1. Emotional (I think this is the kind that's most popular with the non-Asian/tiger mom parenting crowd - i.e. most of non-immigrant America.)
2. Moral (I think this is the kind my grandmother always wishes me, since she prays for me every Sunday in church.)
3. Judgemental (meaning being happy about or for something)
Where does happiness come from? George Vaillant, a psychologist, researched this topic and his answer: "The only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people." Friendships, or close relationships with family and friends, are the best predictor of happiness.
Other behaviors that predict happiness:
1. Altruistic acts
2. Making lists of things for which you are grateful (I started doing this in high school - my current list is on the main page of the blog and is called my "Living Like Weasels" list after the Annie Dillard essay.)
3. Cultivating an "attitude of gratitude"
4. Sharing new experiences with someone close to you
5. Readily forgiving the people that are close to you, rather than holding a grudge
Monday, August 08, 2011
Brain Rules for Baby: The soil for a smart baby
If only 50% of IQ is genetic, that means that what we do as parents to nurture our children DOES make a difference! However, before anyone's brain can focus on learning, they must feel safe in their environment. This is good to remember as a teacher too. If kids are worried about the teacher getting angry, they can't focus on learning.
4 Basic Parenting Actions
1. Breastfeeding: Breast milk contains important salts and vitamins. It can prevent ear, respiratory, and gastrointestinal infections. Breastfed babies, on average, score higher on cognitive tests and get better grades, especially in in reading and writing. Some ingredients that breast milk has that are needed by baby are taurine (amino acid needed for neural development) and omega-3 fatty acids.
2. Talking to your baby: The more parents talk to their children (even early on), the better they did at reading, spelling, and writing when they start school - and the higher their IQ. The variety of words spoken, their length, and complexity is nearly as important as the number of words spoken. Giving positive feedback is also important - in the form of interaction (eye contact, imitating, laughter, and facial expressions). Reward a baby's language attempts with more attention.
Start talking to them as soon as they are born. 2,100 words per hour is recommended - which is considered a moderate rate of conversation. "Parantese" (speaking in a high pitched tone with a sing-song voice) is easier for babies to understand because each word and the sound of each vowel is distinct.
3. Guided play: Make time for open-ended play that focuses on impulse control and self-regulation. This allows for the development of creativity, language, and problem solving. This also helps to reduce stress, and improves memory and social skills. One example of this kind of play is mature dramatic play, and a school program called "Tools of the Mind." (In this program, students make a play plan and they practice pretending in a creative environment.
4. Praising effort rather than accomplishment or IQ: High performers are willing to put in the effort to sustain their focus, control impulses, and delay gratification. Telling kids "their smart" doesn't help them to understand what they need to do to be successful. They will also begin to see mistakes as failures, rather than something to learn from. Praising hard work helps kids have a growth-mindset, rather than a fixed mindset. This will help them to see a mistake as a problem to solve, and will lead to them spending more time working on difficult tasks, rather than giving up when things get challenging.
4 Basic Parenting Actions
1. Breastfeeding: Breast milk contains important salts and vitamins. It can prevent ear, respiratory, and gastrointestinal infections. Breastfed babies, on average, score higher on cognitive tests and get better grades, especially in in reading and writing. Some ingredients that breast milk has that are needed by baby are taurine (amino acid needed for neural development) and omega-3 fatty acids.
2. Talking to your baby: The more parents talk to their children (even early on), the better they did at reading, spelling, and writing when they start school - and the higher their IQ. The variety of words spoken, their length, and complexity is nearly as important as the number of words spoken. Giving positive feedback is also important - in the form of interaction (eye contact, imitating, laughter, and facial expressions). Reward a baby's language attempts with more attention.
Start talking to them as soon as they are born. 2,100 words per hour is recommended - which is considered a moderate rate of conversation. "Parantese" (speaking in a high pitched tone with a sing-song voice) is easier for babies to understand because each word and the sound of each vowel is distinct.
3. Guided play: Make time for open-ended play that focuses on impulse control and self-regulation. This allows for the development of creativity, language, and problem solving. This also helps to reduce stress, and improves memory and social skills. One example of this kind of play is mature dramatic play, and a school program called "Tools of the Mind." (In this program, students make a play plan and they practice pretending in a creative environment.
4. Praising effort rather than accomplishment or IQ: High performers are willing to put in the effort to sustain their focus, control impulses, and delay gratification. Telling kids "their smart" doesn't help them to understand what they need to do to be successful. They will also begin to see mistakes as failures, rather than something to learn from. Praising hard work helps kids have a growth-mindset, rather than a fixed mindset. This will help them to see a mistake as a problem to solve, and will lead to them spending more time working on difficult tasks, rather than giving up when things get challenging.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Brain Rules for Baby: The seeds of a smart baby
Smart Baby: Seeds
In this section of the book, Medina goes into the history of IQ tests and the study of brains and intelligence. One thing he covers is the fact that your IQ is not a fixed number, but can vary with your circumstances and environment. The genetic contribution to intelligens is about 50%. Medina sees intelligence as more than IQ. LIke Howard Gardner, he believes there are multiple facets to it.
7 Basic ingredients of Intelligence
In this section of the book, Medina goes into the history of IQ tests and the study of brains and intelligence. One thing he covers is the fact that your IQ is not a fixed number, but can vary with your circumstances and environment. The genetic contribution to intelligens is about 50%. Medina sees intelligence as more than IQ. LIke Howard Gardner, he believes there are multiple facets to it.
7 Basic ingredients of Intelligence
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Brain Rules for Baby: Relationship (Happy Marriage, Happy Baby)
Moving on to the next chapter in the book:
Relationship
"Parenthood hastens marital decline." The biggest predictor of marital bliss is whether both partners agreed they wanted to have kids.
The emotional environment of babies affect the development of their nervous system. Babies are extraordinarily sensitive to what takes place around them and are constantly learning. They also seek safety. This was scientifically proven using some remarkably harsh experiments involving rhesus monkeys being taken away from their mothers and given surrogate robotic mothers. Scientists also discovered that Romanian orphans (in the 1990's) adopted after the age of four months, were not able to fully recover from the stress they had been exposed to. One effect that stress or hostile environments have on babies is making them unable to regulate their own emotions. Eventually, they will grow up to demonstrate more aggression and antisocial behavior.
Relationship
"Parenthood hastens marital decline." The biggest predictor of marital bliss is whether both partners agreed they wanted to have kids.
The emotional environment of babies affect the development of their nervous system. Babies are extraordinarily sensitive to what takes place around them and are constantly learning. They also seek safety. This was scientifically proven using some remarkably harsh experiments involving rhesus monkeys being taken away from their mothers and given surrogate robotic mothers. Scientists also discovered that Romanian orphans (in the 1990's) adopted after the age of four months, were not able to fully recover from the stress they had been exposed to. One effect that stress or hostile environments have on babies is making them unable to regulate their own emotions. Eventually, they will grow up to demonstrate more aggression and antisocial behavior.
Tuesday, August 02, 2011
Brain Rules for Baby: Pregnancy
Last fall, I went to hear John Medina speak about his book Brain Rules. That was before I found out I was pregnant. Now that we're expecting baby Nam, I wanted to read his companion book, Brain Rules for Baby. I knew my husband would appreciate his advice since he focuses on solutions that are supported with research. He gave some clear guidelines for what we can do as parents to raise a child that is well-prepared to face the world. I've included links to his website too.
Introduction
Medina de-bunks a lot of myths that aren't supported by research like...
- Playing Mozart to your womb will improve their math scores - all it does is make them more familiar with Mozart
- Playing language DVDs to infants will help expand their vocabulary - they need to hear and interact with an actual person speaking the language!
- Telling your children their smart will help them gain confidence - this one's the kicker for me as I often see this as a teacher and know from experience that kids who "think" they are smart aren't always willing to work when they face a challenge, versus kids who learn early on that working hard is what brings success!
Introduction
Medina de-bunks a lot of myths that aren't supported by research like...
- Playing Mozart to your womb will improve their math scores - all it does is make them more familiar with Mozart
- Playing language DVDs to infants will help expand their vocabulary - they need to hear and interact with an actual person speaking the language!
- Telling your children their smart will help them gain confidence - this one's the kicker for me as I often see this as a teacher and know from experience that kids who "think" they are smart aren't always willing to work when they face a challenge, versus kids who learn early on that working hard is what brings success!
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